If your relationship is solid and you can worth through whatever arguments, I don't see it being a problem. I plan on moving out with the girl eventually in a few months. I don't mind her burps, I think her snoring is cute, she doesn't mind my farts, and we pretty much can share a bed. Can work through just about any argument, never have disagreements over basic stuff, as for the other stuff, we agree and have worked well together when it comes to taking care of finances. It's up to you if you think you're ready, if the two of you can work well together and have a good level of love, honesty, and trust, I don't see why not.

Some sources say you should get a cohabitation agreement in case things end up going sour.

Other than talking about things that annoy you about each other, talk about what daily life will be like. Act like you are getting a new roommate, not like your living with your bf. Figure out things like, who will do which chores, when it's ok to have friends over, how much notice you want when friends are coming over, when and if he should call if he's going to be out late, who walks the dog, what level of uncleanliness you can tolerate, etc. etc. It sounds like y'all are pretty ready though and can handle any problems! Good luck!

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind."

Haha welllll we moved in only after 6 months of being offical. It's been over a year and a half since, and we are both still very happy with living together and love it

It should honestly just work itself out. I'm a clean freak, so I do most of the cleaning (also he pays for mostly all the rent). If I ask him to do somehting (like unload the dishwasher or something) he will do it to help. Sometimes it's not RIGHT AWAY but guys are guys and yes it is frusterating sometime but it WILL get done!

Msg me if you want to chat more

Only one piece - DON'T DO IT. If you're not ready to get married, you're not ready to move in together. Just go back and read some of the posts on here - I want to break up but we're stuck in a lease, I want to break up but who gets the dog?, I want to break up but it'll be awkward because where will he go?, etc.

You can move in together...but just don't get yourself stuck. Always have a back up plan.

I would never let myself feel that way in a relationship (i want to break up but we can't break the lease). If it's going downhill, I coudl personally care less about the lease or who gets the dog...that's like the last thing on my mind!

There are several things to discuss:
1. How will bills get paid? Will you open a joint checking account for mutual bills or keep everything separate?
2. Will both your names be on the lease?
3. Who is responsible for which chores?
4. Is this a step toward marriage? Make sure you're on the same page about this.
5. Anything that annoys you about him now will annoy you 300 times more once you are around him 24-7. Have you discussed your needs for 'alone time'?

If you feel confident that you will get along after discussing these things, then go for it.
Good luck.

Dont do it. Go and read every single post on DearSugar about people who moved in together and what happens...its not pretty. Sure it works out for some people. But more often than not it doesnt.

Having done it for two years and then having dealt with a horrific breakup (made long and drawn-out by our having combined our lives and money without any legal recourse), I'm personally committed to never, ever doing it again. And now I actually have done a 180 on recommending it to others - in short, I don't. I have nothing against it morally whatsoever, as I know lots of people do - and I do have a problem with people using MY experience as some sort of moral argument against it. What I'll say is that we didn't have a full commitment to each other, even though we'd talked about getting married nearly every day since we'd met - even about our future children. It's crushing to have plans like that fall apart. Don't go in expecting an engagement, because it may never happen. The best advice I can give is to NOT relax - create rules for yourselves and stick to them. Do not neglect your sex life and your going-out life and your friends. Make a sex schedule if you have to! Plan dates! And you have to remember that any slumps you go through personally will not only affect yourself, but the other person in a profound way - the problem is that the other person may not have the commitment to stick by you, or you to them.

I wanted to add that you mention "your relationship has been a lot of work so far" and you've "had ups and downs". This sounds to me like you fight a lot, or that you've broken up and gotten back together. You should know that my relationship was somewhat like that. Ask yourself why you and he aren't ready to be married - is it because of these reasons? Often living together can exacerbate these types of issues, and the problem is that once you settle in, even if you realize you aren't right for each other, lots of people end up marrying anyway because you've already created a household together. Just a thought...

I disagree with most of the comments above. Are you independent? Can you survive anything on your own (your own family etc as backup)?

If so, go for it. Whats the worst that can happen? You have to move out? You loose a bit of money on a lease? Everything can be worked out.

I moved halfway around the world (au to uk) for my man after only a month and it worked out for me despite the odds and the fights and both of us not having jobs, going through depression, etc. If you are ok in yourself, you will be able to make it work - at least for the medium term. And if it doesnt work out - its a life experience and you can always move on. Its not the end of the world.

You dont have to be engaged to live together for godsakes. If you are worried about his habits, stay with him for a week or two and see how clean he is, but promise each other you wont be on your best behaviour

~Gem

Gemsera - what's the worst that can happen? How about what happens all the time - people move in too soon, get married because it's the "next step" and easier than breaking up and moving out, then they have a kid or two, get divorced later and she ends up a single mom, or a mom sharing custody with a guy she can't stand anymore. Or maybe he's out and she ends up fighting for child support payments.

Or what about this, which also happens a lot: They move in together, he starts paying less attention to her, goes out with his friends more, won't talk about marriage, so she "oops" gets pregnant, thinking it'll make him propose or change, which of course it doesn't, then she ends up a single mom . . .etc.

Young women need to stop being so short-sighted! Think about the future. Any problems you have now (which clearly you have) will only get worse.

I agree with those who say don't do it. No moral judgments on this, I just don't think it works from a common sense point of view. Statistics prove that people who move in together without a set future plan (you're engaged, or you've both agreed to domestic partnership rather than marriage, etc) break up at a higher rate than people who are legally bound to each other.

I recommend you and your boyfriend talk to each other very seriously about why you want to move in with each other and what your future plans are (as individuals and as a couple). You absolutely have to make sure that you are on the same page about your future together first. Then, if you're both in agreement and still want to live together...a talk about money is the very next step. You have to pre-determine who's paying what on rent/utilities/any furniture you may need/groceries, etc. If you go ahead with this, just keep in mind the day to day living is all about balance. Remember that you will each occasionally need time away from each other for your own sanity. And you also have to make more of an effort to be romantic with each other every now and then (which is hard when you are with your mate every day).

Don't do this if you're not prepared for your relationship to become more work than it already is. Good luck!

make sure you know his financial history (beacon score, late payments, etc.) and his cleaning habits. find out which way he puts the toilet paper roll on.

So in other words, making a life with another person in general is about how much you value being with that person for the many years to come...right? Because to tell you the truth legal or not, there's always something to lose when someone wants to walk about because they can't handle a relationship anymore. In my opinion, matters between couples is on a case by case basis, yes it's nice having examples of other people's successes and failures and all, but it still comes down to how you and other one other person handles it. And yes, I've seen crap go down, including a woman finding out her husband has a wife in another country so not only is she stuck living with him but also has other issues to work out. Nothing is ever certain. Frankly hearing all this somewhat comes of as discouraging from even wanting to even get involved in a relationship period.

Not that I want to be ignorant the other posters but I didn't read what they said.

GIRL!!!!..Lemme tell you..
I actually live with my boyfriend, we have been dating for a year and a half before we moved in with each other. Everything seemed realistic as well, we both have very stable jobs that pay decent, we both have health care and 41K plans, and also we are also very responsible in the fact that we aren't sloppy or lazy when it comes to a clean house.
A year later...

He walked out on me actually this saturday because he felt emotionally drained for some reason and I feel like he doesn't give me a reason to care about him, yet we are in a lease and have to work it out. To get out of the lease would be about a thousand dollars and with the hard times around us, we can't afford to do this, especially me.

Did we think about, "What would happen if we broke up, who gets what, who goes where, who pays what....etc?"..

The answer is YES...we did all the homework on all of it. But all in all, it doesn't matter when the other person wants to leave the relationship, no one is rational in their thinking when that happens. Why are we trying to make it work out? Because when you have a lease, you have to grow up for a second and say, we signed this lease, we made a commitment, and we have to work it out emotionally and financially.

So sorry to be so mean about it...but this is reality of moving in with someone you aren't married too.
h e a r t s & k i s s e s
-h a u t e p i n k-

if you want to do it do it. It works fine for plenty of people. You only read about the bad because only the bad are asking for help.

CAn i be honest? Youll fight for 5 months almost over everything (You breathe too lou... well you didnt throw that empty water ottle away... WHY ARE YOUR SOCKS BEHIND THE TV!?) then it will all settle down and a natural rhythm will form between the two of you and your new life.
But dont be afraid of fights.. a real relationship can cope with highs and lows and getting on each others nerves. Good luck!

You know, I like to think like Gem. And the staying with him for a week or two is a great idea, just to get a feel for it without the actual commitment. Buuut, I think luisa knows what she's talking about,and that stuff happens much more often than Gem's example of everything working out fine. Problems will just get worse, and it sounds like your relationship is already kind of rough...

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind."

Hmmm,I agree with Seka too. This is a hard one... :/

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind."

Make sure that while things are good now...that you are about to be living with this person, every day, every hour. Even if you are with him most of the time know, you still have that retreat knowing that at anytime you can run back to your own place. No longer the case!

So my advice, just have an outlet. Don't get jealous easily. Let him have his space and make sure that you have your own and careful arguing over very stupid things. It will only be worse b/c of tensions rising over daily insignificant, trivial things that will surmount. Learn to get over the small stuff quickly and definitely, DEFINITELY keep both of your spaces. And when you have an argument, have a cut off point where you both will stop and go do "something" that will calm you both down, then try again later to resolve it.

Living together can be scary but also wonderful. It will lead to growth and bonding, but it is very cautious-worthy if you aren't prepared. Life won't be perfect so learn to work with each other. I've been living with my mate for about 4 years now and have lived with several other boyfriends as well. You learn how they react to life and if this will be the person to stick out the good and the bad with. Just my 2 very strong advice points: be wary of jealousy and keep your space.

Good luck!

Don't listen to all those people telling you NOT to take a chance on love and commitment - nobody needs to be married when moving in if that's not their belief. You guys love each other and want to take that step - take it! And if you're in a turbulent relationship, but still have stuck together, then that's just your MO and there's nothing wrong with it (my BF and I are the same, and still going strong after 3 years, despite some horrendous migraine-inducing fights. To each their own! For some, it keeps the passion flowing; for others, it's a question of not surrendering your personality; whatever the reason, arguing doesn't have to be a deal breaker in every case.)

Anyway, one thing you need to know: the first few months may possibly be really sh*tty. Adapting to someone's way of life is hard, especially when you're romantically involved and they're not just a roommate. You get confronted to parts of him that you didn't fathom could exist - however well you think you know him. There will be money issues, grocery-shopping issues, scheduling issues, co-dependency issues... etc - as you guys find your pace. But if you're a good match, you will find that pace.

Moving in with my guy was wonderful the first couple of weeks. The next 4 - 5 months were a total nightmare. I thought about packing my stuff and moving out a dozen of times. But I stuck it out, and as human beings always do, we morphed our habits into each other's and got used to the other's flaws and idiosyncracies, and now we're very happy and barely ever argue anymore (barely ever = when I'm PMSing, usually - LOL). Keep in mind that you are two very different people, and have different needs and habits.

As long as you don't expect him to be like you and live like you, and that you give him his freedom to stay himself, and that he returns the favor - you should be fine (barring any horrible character flaw that he may have!). I would also advise you not to go into cosy homebuddy mode, and change your way of life too much. It can be a seductive idea, to be locked in the apartment just the two of you for the rest of your lives, or to spend all of your time together, but that's not healthy. Continue your routine, and let him continue his - whatever changes in the rhythm of your lives will happen gradually and naturally. But if he goes from seeing you twice a week to being with you every evening and never seeing his pals anymore, he's going to go batshit crazy; and if you don't go to the gym or hang out with the girls anymore, your life will narrow and you will suffer. So, live together, but as two separate beings with their own lives, and when you get home and share time together, it will be precious and wonderful.

Also, figure out the money ASAP. The bills and utilities. The chores. The groceries (my boyfriend used to live on pasta, I like my food gourmet - there was a $60 gap in our weekly food expenses, and that was big drama! I also like my TP padded. He buys the cheap stuff that chafes! ARGH). All that very non fun stuff, which can become a huge wedge in a relationship if not dealt with with a ton of lee-way, understanding, and compromising - and PLANNING.

We each have our own space in the apartment - I got a separate room, he has a big chunk of the living room for his desk and music stuff. It's very nice to keep your own little area that you can decorate your own way and where you can fart all you like. We were lucky to find a big place, and you may not - but keep that in mind while looking if you can.

Things change when you live together; your time together doesn't feel as special all the time, because most of that time is very routine; so make sure you keep the romance alive with dates and intimacy and making special efforts not to walk around in your pajamas with a foul breath 24/7. Not at all times, of course - be yourself; but don't lose sight of the need to create special moments because there are SO MANY moments you're together.

Okay, sorry, I wrote a novel. I hope some of this helps!

Holy crap. I did write a novel. I'm sorry!

Just keep reminding yourself that IT IS A LOT OF WORK.

Okay, maybe not for everyone, but since you mention your relationship has had its ups and downs (and mine has too), I feel that this is something you have to repeat to yourself constantly.

I had been with my boyfriend for over 2 years before we moved in together. We moved in together more for financial purposes since we live in NYC. I liked what someone else said - make sure that you have enough money to continue living independently / or with a roommate, and I would make sure to have an emergency stash in the event that your living situation is not working out (AKA the buyout of the lease). I know right now I could pick up and leave and would be financially set; it's harder nowadays with the economy being what it is.

Second, make sure that you are well aware of his habits (my boyfriend is a neatfreak - me, not so much) and how much you can tolerate. Remember, if you have a fight, you don't have your own apartment to go home to - it may just be another room or for a walk outside (as long as it's not cold, or raining, or snowing...or miserable). My boyfriend and I have had some arguments, and it's difficult when you don't have enough space. You may be able to afford a place where you can have enough space, and that's great!

Third, make sure you're 110% ready to do it. Do not jump the gun. My boyfriend and I both moved about 5 months after our 1 year anniversary to the same neighborhood and we lived an avenue apart. A lot of people called us impractical and mentioned we were wasting money (which is ironic because we are practical people, especially with finances), but we also both knew we were NOT ready to live together. We knew at that time we still needed our space. I was really glad we waited. I don't know if our relationship would have made it had we moved in a year earlier.

Finally, do not let the first few months get you down. My boyfriend was getting so frustrated with the adjustments that he would get on the verge of irrational. All of these things take a lot of energy, time, and work. If you're both committed to the frustrations and ups & downs, then you're ready.

I hope I didn't sound too redundant

I'm reading "Why Men Marry b*tches" right now and one of the points it makes is this: If you want to get married in the future, do not move in with him without a ring and a date set.

OK, so I did'nt read all of the comments above but I read enough to say that it seems like a lot of ppl are taking their personal experiences and suggesting that you decide not to move in because of them. This decision depends on YOU and YOUR relationship. Everyone fights, so to interpret your "dear sugar" post to mean that you have relationship issues with your bf is ridic. I can give you some advice that has worked for me and hopefully it will be helpful. Obviously, you are aware of the fact that all relationships dont end up beautifully but some do. The ones that do make it all worth while. Sometimes its worth taking a risk. I agree with the post above that says that you need to think about the lease agreement. I would suggest putting your name on the lease with his. Its a back up just in case. If for some reason it doesnt work,you dont want to be out on the street or be stuck with a lease that you cant afford (think of Carrie in SATC, Miranda encourages her to keep her place as back up, same concept) THe joint acct thinng is good to consider but not something I opt against. I heard on Suze Orman that it is better to keep your own accts and split bills. You then have proof of what you take care of and you can manage your own finances. Next, I would have to say that you must keep friends and have girl nights. Lastly, dont freak if the first few months arent all cuddles and kisses. It takes time to get used to living with someone, let alone a man. Be patient. Things will be great once all said and done ) Most important remember relationships take work, dont give up.

personally, i wouldn't move in with a bf unless i was sure the relationship was going somewhere.

I personally agree with luisa, I think that living together without a committment is a little dicey. You are taking a risk...it's all fine and well to be in love, but you have to be practical. I agree with all that mentioned you should be financially prepared to be able to leave if you have too...it's not bad luck to think that, it is just practical and you have to protect yourself. Everyone's advice on how to live with a man is spot on....I am just a bit cynical about long term committment issues in these situations.

I guess the bottom line for me is hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

1) discuss expected contributions
2) discuss free times
3) discuss something to keep things alive. Living together sounds really sexy until it becomes seeing someone fart in their sweatpants on the couch, then not understanding why you don't want to get it on.

that last one's not a problem, because he already farts in front of me in his sweatpants all the time. and in nice clothes. and in the car. and the shower. haha.